Hormone Replacement Therapy

The March 2007 position statement of the North American Menopause Society supports previous research, which indicates that HRT can relieve menopausal symptoms but carries with it significantly increased risks for breast cancer, strokes, heart disease, dementia and blood clots. For many women, the risks outweigh any benefits they might experience. This data has left women with few safe options to alleviate their symptoms.

Is HRT Worth the Risk?

While Hormone Replacement Therapy may be effective for some in reducing symptoms of menopause, it is also proven to increase other threats to your health. Lower estrogen levels as we leave our childbearing years and enter our 40’s and 50’s are completely normal and natural. Our goal should be to age in optimum health and do all we can to minimize our risks.
A balanced herbal menopause supplement like Femmerol® is a first step and healthy choice for women seeking relief from menopause symptoms. The herbs used in Femmerol have never been implicated in cancers, heart attack, stroke, or blood clots. You can try Femmerol® first, as a positive first step to relieving menopause symptoms before taking on the risks associated with HRT.

Sexuality and Touch

Female sexuality by its very nature is a sensory experience involving our whole body and mind. There are many reasons for diminished libido, but the disruption of natural hormone balance often causes a noticeable decrease in libido, causing concern. Although sometimes it’s just a passing mood, there are physical menopausal symptoms like vaginal dryness and atrophy that can make sex uncomfortable and even painful. Menopausal symptoms and hormonal changes don’t need to interfere with your inner glow, your passion or true beauty. Femmerol can help. Experiment with some over-the-counter lubricates and speak with your partner. As women today strive to live more in balance, we are more inclined to pamper ourselves and take pleasure in daily rituals. Taking this time is more important than ever as you go through menopause, manage menopausal symptoms and reclaim your sexuality.

Visit www.solutionsforwomen.com or call 1 + (800) 846-0866 to learn what Solutions for Women can do for you.

Solutions for Women, LLC one of the few leading companies with a focus on gynecological health still owned independently and fostered by caring individuals committed to bringing you clinically proven answers to hormone balance and a FDA approved treatment for female sexual dysfunction .

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I am sure that you have heard the catch phrase saying that men and women are two sides of the same coin or men are from Mars and Women are from Venus – or whatever it is you would like to say. Most people agree (including Christian carter) that men and women communicate in essentially different ways, though, no matter how you say it (I guess that is a bad pun!).

What most WOMEN need to realize, though, is that it is OK to NOT know, or even understand, what your man is thinking. Christian Carter stresses this in Catch Him and Keep Him, and says that this kind of rift is to be expected – after all – even Edward Cullen can’t read Bella’s mind!

One of the key mistakes that women make in relationships, though, stems from this urge to always know or understand what their man is thinking – we try to get HIM to VALIDATE what WE are thinking or feeling, because we feel it is essential to the understanding that we crave as women. (Christian Carter goes into this in depth in the Catch Him and Keep Him eBook, beginning on page 19).

So let’s take a minute to think about what Christian Carter is saying here …

1) Guys and gals think and react differently to almost every situation
2) Therefore – being unable (and UNEQUIPPED) to understand each other all the time is par for the course
3) If, then, we can expect to not understand men all the time, nor they us, how is it that we expect them to be ABLE to validate our feelings
4) If men are UNABLE to validate our feelings, why do we ask it of them, providing them with frustration for something they cannot do?

In other words, when you try to make a man validate your feelings – when you try to CONVINCE him to understand what you are feeling, saying or trying to do – you are, in essence, forcing him to conform to your ideas. Another way to say it is that you are trying to get him to tell you that what you are feeling is ok – like if he goes out with his friends for a night out and you get mad – perhaps you try to “talk” to him and MAKE him see how what he did it detrimental to your relationship – you are trying to get him to validate your feelings.

For men, Christian Carter says, this feels like needy behavior and many times they will agree with you just to make you stop. Not good. Mind you – Christian Carter is not saying it IS necessarily needy behavior, but he is saying it is how it is usually viewed by men.

As a woman, then, what should we DO about this validation problem?

The very simple answer to that is STOP. SCREW VALIDATION. You feel what you feel, and you are entitled to feel what you feel. You don’t have to have permission from your man to feel the way you do, and in truth, he does not have to understand it. So give YOURSELF permission to experience your own emotions and to have your own feelings. THEN, give everyone else permission not to agree with them. It does not matter if they agree or not. The feelings are YOURS. Christian Carter says that the confidence alone that comes from knowing you need no one else’s validation is a HUGE attraction boost, and will help you to Catch him and Keep Him.

Click here for more information on Christian Carter and Catch and Keep Him, and his philosophies that have changed womens’ lives.

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It would be great to have one magic pill to heal all your hormonal woes, but the truth of the matter it takes a decent diet, exercise, added nutrition ─ in other words, doing all the things you know you should be doing to take better care of yourself.

If you are worried about the risks of HRT, you are not alone.

There are more than 60 million women in menopause and approximately 75 percent of these women do not take hormone replacement therapy.

• The FDA and the Women’s Health Initiative agree with the clinical findings for more then seven years ─ HRT increases your risk for breast cancer, heart attack, blood clots and stoke and it is feared that the made to order BHRT (bioidentical) have the same risks as HRT

• The National Cancer Institute have established 1 in 7 women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime
• The American Heart Association ranks heart disease as the leading cause of death among women
• Taking HRT can increase you biological risk factors for breast cancer and heart disease

You are your own best advocate when it comes to your health and the more information you have, the better you will feel about the  decisions you make for menopause symptom management.

Hormone balance is important to your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

• Menopause is a natural change
• By keeping informed you can be prepared for hormonal changes
• You can adapt to hormonal changes easily and quickly, and the change can be enjoyed.
• You can remain in good health and if needed, rebuild your health as your hormones change naturally
• Menopause does not cause illness, lifestyle does
• Good health and peace of mind come about when steps are taken to prevent the onset on of disease

Taking Femmerol will help you feel more like your self again. It is a holistic menopause treatment option that helps correct hormone deficiencies and imbalances.

• The ingredients in Femmerol are FDA approved for ingestion
• Have never been implicated in cancer or heart disease
• Femmerol meets FDA requirements
• Manufactured in a state of the art pharmaceutical facility
• Femmerol has earned its place in the US National Library of Medicine.
• Femmerol is a convenient, non chemical clinically tested effective menopause treatment option.

Be actively involved in you health and wellbeing everyday

• Exercise
• Eat healthy and balanced meals. Include an assortment of fruits, vegetables and grains
• Stop smoking if you smoke
• Get more sleep and try going to sleep and waking up at the same time each day
• If you drink daily or find you binge on weekends, decrease the amount of alcohol you drink or seek help to taper off
• Get to a healthy weight and stay there
• Take pharmaceutical grade multivitamin and additional high quality supplements (vitamins, minerals and herbs) to meet your needs
• Drink at least eight glasses of water each day

To better understand what to expect with hormonal change, do our symptom evaluation checklist and learn more about your symptoms.Click here.

Solutions for Women does not collect, track, or retain checklists or checklist entries. The checklist is only a tool to help you identify symptoms or patterns of symptoms that are common during peri-menopause and menopause.

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One of the things a woman wants to be aware of when having an initial conversation with a man, according to Christian Carter, is the attraction that she is or can be creating for him. Attraction can be created using certain conversation techniques that lead a man to see how interesting, unique and unpredictable you are. These three qualities are very high on the list of what really DOES create attraction for a man.

One of the questions Christian Carter tells his readers to ask a man is “What kind of woman do you respect?” This questions is a VERY high value question, because not only is it a unique thing to ask in a conversation, but it also communicates to him that respect is high on YOUR list of characteristics. His answer will reveal to YOU how he looks at women, what qualities he looks for in a woman and what he likes and dislikes – all without you asking him twenty different questions to put together the same answer.

This also creates attraction for a man because it shows him that YOU are not too taken with him to realize that HE has to meet YOUR quality standards. Christian Carter writes that this is a “fun and subtle kind of tension building” (Christian Cater, Catch Him and Keep him, p 205) that helps lead to sexual tension and attraction for a man.

It’s ingenious, really. You are challenging him to answer a unique question, putting him on the spot to see how he will react and gauging his character all in one. Not too bad, huh, for 7 little words? This mix of seriousness and flirtatiousness is an attractive factor to most men, and will leave him intrigued and trying to see if he can answer your expectations in the right way.

It’s a turn on!

Christian Carter also reveals to women readers in his eBook that there are certain questions men may really want to AVOID answering. Well, too bad guys! We just have to find another way to ASK these questions, right? So things like asking him if he wants to settle down, have a family and a wife, or being honest about what kind of woman he wants to be with or have a relationship with – they are tough questions for a guy. 

Christian carter says that the “secret is to not avoid these issues, but turn them to your advantage. Men have a whole set of “triggers” wired around these things that are waiting for women to tap into, as long as they are approached the right way. And if a woman can get to these triggers, she’ll have a whole different experience and a more direct kind of honesty with the guy that most women will never see” (Christian Carter, Catch Him and Keep Him, p 206) So – the idea is to approach these things in a unique and “cool” kind of way in order to challenge him, raise his attraction and get him intrigued and wanting more. 

Here is some great examples right out of the Catch him and Keep Him eBook…

For example, using the same playful and confident tone, with a slight mischievous grin, asking, “So what are your weaknesses when it comes to women?”

“How would your last girlfriend describe you to her friends?”

“What have you always wanted in a woman that you haven’t come across yet?”

The idea, says Christian Carter, is to give him a challenge in a playful and fun way in order to keep the attraction going. This will paint you in a VERY unique light in HIS mind, and instantly make you more attractive than most of the other women he has likely met.

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As women, we are often taught to approach things within a relationship in a manner that is 100% the opposite of helpful behavior. It’s not our fault – because often the approach we use and the behavior we display SOUNDS completely rational.

I mean, if your boyfriend is pulling away and you show him that you need him, as a man, as a caregiver and protector, that should make him want you more, right? Show him your vulnerability and, if he is a real man, he will want to soothe it and make it go away.

Actually – when you are dealing with a fear of commitment, that is incorrect.

Here is a great question from a reader on HER experience with fear of commitment:

Dear Sarah,

I have a boyfriend with fear of commitment. He wants me to wear a promise ring but he has such a fear about marriage that when he fell in love with me he started getting distant & I couldn’t talk about the future with him without him looking like a deer caught in headlights! So I gave his ring back & told him I couldn’t promise him I wouldn’t date, but he said he wasn’t going to. He is going to a counselor for help. He was bringing me down, he was hot then cold, that hurt me so that’s when I gave the ring back. When I didn’t see him for 2 weeks .and told him I dated another man, he was crushed! He did not believe I would do that. I love him, what do I do to get him over this fear of commitment? Please help me!

Sincerely,

C

My answer to C…

Thank you for writing in with your relationship problems. C- fear of commitment is such a common problem in relationships today; you need to know that you are not alone! The wonderful thing is, you are handling this correctly. Let me explain.

One of the first reactions that women have when faced with fear of commitment is to become demanding, needy or clingy. The thought process behind this actually causes more relationship problems than it fixes, though. When a woman becomes clingy or needy, instead of a man rising to the occasion and helping her like she dreams he will, he often pulls away, becoming distant or hot/cold.

Instead, if you use a tactic like Leaning Back, such as Rori Raye describes in her Have the Relationship You Want eBook, you are much more likely to get the results you are looking for and end your relationship problems.

Now, what you are doing is correct. You need to lean back, as Rori Raye says, and give HIM the space to Lean Forward. By you dating other men and showing him that you will not be bound by a commitment he is not willing to make, you are showing him that you are independent of him, in demand and not going to wait around. It’s perfect!

I know it may not FEEL like you are doing the right thing, because he is hurting because of it. BUT – if he is going to make a genuine commitment to you, then he needs to do it and quit walking the edge between commitment and freedom. If he will not give you the commitment, then he IS giving you freedom – and you need to take it. It’s either one or the other – there IS no in between.

A promise ring, in my mind, represents an immature commitment. Either hi will or he won’t – he cannot promise to promise, if you know what I mean. And as long as you are NOT committed to him, then you need to be dating other people and learning what else is out there. So in spite of what your emotions are telling you – feeling guilty about his pain, wanting to “fix” what is wrong with him by giving in and letting things go back to the way they were – you are CORRECT in dating other people and refusing a “half-commitment” when dealing with fear of commitment from your boyfriend.

To read more on how to deal with fear of commitment, educate yourself by visiting the section on Rori Raye on my website by clicking here: Rori Raye.

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Hi Sarah,

I have a question for which I need some relationship advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, but recently about 4 months back his parents decided to separate and get a divorce.  My boyfriend is 27, (and I’m 26) and he has taken the divorce really badly, and has been forced to choose sides.  He has been using tranquilizers and alcohol to kill the pain and as an escape from the situation.

He told me that he needs time and space to be alone.  I have given him space, though it’s really hard… I haven’t seen him in four weeks.

He is a great guy, kind and affectionate, really funny and loves life, though now I feel with the divorce situation he is losing his love of life, and I really worry for him. He has just stopped calling of late, and whenever I call he does not pick my call, and he doesn’t call back. So I haven’t called or texted him for a couple of days.
I have read all the articles, about not calling a guy, that they like the chase, but isn’t this situation different since he is going through a hard time in life?
My questions are how can I reach out to him when he doesn’t pick the call?  Should I keep calling him or will that turn him off? Should I text him, even though I don’t get a reply?
And is the fact that he doesn’t call a sign that our relationship is not going in the right way?
I feel our great relationship is slipping away…

I’m very confused with the whole situation; I need your help and advice!

Thank you!

Marie

Hey Marie-

Anyway, I see that your situation IS different, and I think we need to treat this not even so much as a relationship question, but as a question of humanity.  I can also address this from my own experience, as well.

I am one of those people, too, who tend to withdraw automatically when facing great hurt or pain.  It’s not so much that he does not want to see you or talk to you; I think it’s that he wants to ignore the pain, and push down his feelings because they HURT.  He may be lying there crying at night or in the shower where no one can see him, and wishing desperately that you were there, but at the same time, being unable to reach out to you.

Ironically, for me, the key to understanding this about myself has been my best friend.  I have been friends with my best friend, Marilyn, for….wow, going on 27+ years (I am 34).  She is a very open and emotionally in-touch kind of person, and I am one who tends to be much more masculine in my feelings and my reactions.  She has shown me how I withdraw, and how it is really hurtful to me instead of helpful to me. (She is an amazing person, and I would not be here today if it was not for her).

What she does if I withdraw is she leads me gently back to her.  You can do things like text him and just say hey, it’s a beautiful day, here is a hug.  Don’t ask him how he is doing, or tell him you are worried about him.  Just open yourself to him and offer yourself without saying a word about his pain, his withdrawal or your worry.

You can also do things like leave him small gifts on his doorstep, like a meal or a movie, or something small that is fun or helpful but not relating, again, to his emotions.

I guess you kind of have to view him a little bit as a rabid dog.  You want to approach him without prodding him, without taking about his pain, and showing him that you are still there, your connection is still there and you will not try to force him into opening up (at this point).

I think once you do that for a while, and stop prodding or prying even as well intentioned as you are, that he will begin to feel safe enough to be around you again. And keep it up even after he comes back.

Then after a while, after he has come back and your relationship is more normal, you can take some of the steps like Rori Raye recommends to get him to open up to you, gently and without him even really knowing it.  Have you read her eBook yet?  If not, I would HIGHLY recommend it to you, because it will really give you some tools you can use to get him to connect with you on an emotional level.

Ho here for Rori Raye’s eBook:  http://www.tinyurl.com/RoriRa

By the way – the alcohol problem DOES need to be addressed, as well, but I think that you should wait to address it until your relationship is back on track, AND until he has connected to you emotionally again as well.  It may heal itself, if not, that WILL need to be addressed.

Love,

Sarah

Follow me on Twitter!  http://www.twitter.com/RelationshipRx

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Symptoms associated with premenstrual tension, perimenopause and menopause don’t strike overnight. Although there are many reasons the amount of hormones circulating throughout our body change during monthly hormone fluctuations, perimenopause and menopause, most changes can be anticipated. We know when our periods are coming. If you suffer from premenstrual tension or hot flashes, consider what you can do to stabilize and maintain hormone balance.

Advancements in nutritional development, as well as findings within clinical studies and manufacturing technologies have given us something we can academically wrap our heads around. We have a wealth of medically proven non-drug tactics to manage perimenopause and menopausal symptoms. All the self-care things you do keep you in control of how you feel, and what keeps us healthy is not just one thing; it is the accumulation of all we do.

To learn more about what you can do for your symptoms of PMS, perimenopause and menopause, visit http://www.femmerol.com.

Femmerol is manufactured by Capsugel, a division of Warner-Lambert, GMP and US Pharmacopoeia approved. Click here and save $5.

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Have the Relationship YOU Want!

If you’re finding yourself being a “Girlfriend,” but he’s just not taking the relationship further, and he’s RESISTING your wishes for a full-on commitment and marriage, I know how stuck you feel.

And feeling stuck is about the worst feeling I can think of.

You can’t get away, and you can’t make things happen the way you want.

You need his co-operation and his DESIRE to get married, but – instead – he’s moving further and further AWAY from you.

You’ve read about my “Circular Dating” (dating lots of men all at the same time, as if they’re “circling” around you…).

You know you shouldn’t be stuck in what I call the “Girlfriend Trap” (where he gets all the good stuff of having a steady woman in his life and his bed, but doesn’t have to worry about real commitment).

You know you should do SOMETHING, but dating other men seems like an IMPOSSIBLE idea, because, like Nancy – you’re EXCLUSIVE!

You’re a “Girlfriend.”

And even THINKING about going out with another man feels horrible.

It feels almost terrifying – like you could destroy the relationship you have now with the man you love.

I know what this feels like to the bottom of my toes – I LIVED with a man for 4 years who never wanted to marry me.

What was I thinking?

Well, I was watching my dreams of weddings and rings and family and children and lifelong happiness just disappear.

And it felt terrible.

And the worst part was – I felt helpless to do anything about it.

Well – you don’t have to suffer like I did.

Here’s a letter from Nancy, who’s stuck just like I was. Let’s pull her situation apart and I’ll show you how to do “Circular Dating” EVEN IF you’re already exclusive with a man:

“Dear Rori, My situation is this. I have dated this wonderful guy for almost 3 yrs. We were exclusive for about 2 yrs, then we broke up because he’s confused about what he wants in life and doesn’t want to hurt me. So I carried on, heartbroken but I did it.

And then came calls and texts from him missing me, so I slowly started to come back around. He is the man I want as a husband and a father one day. He knows all this but he is scared to commit to me.

He always feared marriage. I told him ‘I spend a lot of my time with you and if you can’t commit then I am going to start to date other people.’ I think this scares him but not enough to commit fully. Its not that he wants other women because that’s his last priority. He is a very busy man with work.

What is odd is that he brings up the future talk, wedding, rings, house etc…but never follows thru with buying the ring and going the next step. I just don’t get what to do…I feel bad to date other guys, cause my heart is with this one…What should I do?? Sincerely, Nancy”

Just reading Nancy’s letter makes me feel frustrated and angry – just like I did all those many years ago.

It’s like you’re on the race track of your life, and you’re stuck in first gear.

All the other race cars pass you by.

And the thing is — it’s not your fault!

You’re just the driver.

It’s the CAR that’s stuck in first gear!

Who wouldn’t be mad at the car?

And yet – you have to do something…stop in the pit, change cars, find a different, slower race – something – or you go crazy with frustration and anger.

So, what do you do?

You move AWAY from exclusivity, slowly.

You walk away from the “Trap.”

And Why IS exclusivity a trap?

It’s a trap because ANY man would be happy to be exclusive with you.

This way he gets to reel you in, keep you around, have sex with you, and run the show.

He gets to call the shots – to say he’s “confused” or he’s “not ready” – while your love life – your whole “Happy Ever After” is stuck in the gear of HIM!

You’re tied to HIM as your “Love Car.”

And that makes us feel helpless and crazy, and makes our self-esteem plunge downward more every day.

So, if exclusivity is the trap, how do you get out of the trap without losing your man?

How do you “Circular Date” (dating a lot of men all at the same time, as if they’re all “circling” around you) when you’ve agreed to exclusivity?

How do you move away from exclusivity, while at the same time making HIM want MORE with you?

And how do you do it without breaking up with him?

Here are some steps:

(You can read more about gaining conversational skills and fearlessness in  my ebook on pages 147  through 150.   You can get it here: http://tinyurl.com/RoriRa )

1.Don’t THREATEN.

Notice How Nancy says “I told him ‘I spend a lot of my time with you and if you can’t commit then I am going to start to date other people.’ I think this scares him but not enough to commit fully.”?

Trying to SCARE a man never works.

It feels like a game to him.

On some level, he believes you’ll never leave him.

It has nothing to do with what you say.

And it doesn’t have anything to do with what you DO, either.

Yes – you could even actually DATE other men, but if you’re doing it to spite him, or as a game or strategy – he’ll feel it for what it really is – DESPERATION.

You’ll feel even MORE clingy and desperate to him, and he’ll just back away more.

So don’t threaten to date other men. Don’t even talk about it with him until you get the only thing that’s REALLY important:

2. Understand that YOU hold all the power.

This seems hard to get – I mean, if you want to commit and he doesn’t, it feels like HE has all the power – but he DOESN’T – YOU DO.

You have what he wants. You have what he’s attracted to.

You don’t have to DO anything to show him you have the power – you just have to FEEL it.

So go ahead and talk yourself into this.

Just keep imagining that you’re holding your man in the palm of your hand.

3. Date Yourself and Flirt

…For now – Do this:

Make a list of things you like to do OUTSIDE (not in your home) – at places where there are men.

Then get dressed up so YOU feel attractive and turned on to YOU – and go out.

The idea is to have fun and practice my Tools with every man you meet, no matter who he is.

And part of simply being who you are and having fun will be “Flirting.”

That means you smile and hold eye contact, and get curious about every man you meet.

It means you practice being a magnet for men.

Flirting means you’re just having fun, practicing my Tools, making and holding eye contact, smiling – and that just HAPPENS to look like Flirting!

4. Tell your man you love him and that you can’t be exclusive right now…

This is the big one.

In order to do this, you have to have men asking for your phone number, you have to have men friends to spend time with, and you have to have your Dating Yourself and Flirting stuff happening.

Automatically, men will be attracted to you.

Sooner or later, you’ll get an offer you don’t really want to turn down.

When that happens, you write a speech to the man you’re with saying that “he’s entitled to take all the time he needs to decide about committing to a lifelong relationship with you, and that you feel awful waiting around, it’s making you feel insecure and frustrated and you don’t want to feel that way, and that other men are starting to ask you out and you want to feel free to explore your options until he makes a decision.”

This is NOT an ultimatum.

This is NOT a Threat.

This is a simple, easy-going statement of YOU taking CARE of YOURSELF!

He may come back with a “Well – then I’ll just date other women..”

He may call you selfish and a bitch.

He may get very, very angry.

And this is GOOD!

I told you that you have all the power – and your ability to make him angry at the thought he can no longer “string you along” is proof of that!

Do not rise to the bait.

Do not argue, explain, defend, get angry, or tell him anything except…

“Well, I don’t want you to date other women, I want you all to myself. And it doesn’t feel good to me to let you have me all to yourself until you’re ready to commit. I won’t be able to handle your dating other women.”

And then turn around and walk away.

I know this is a lot to absorb.

Let me know how it works for you… and please, treat yourself to my eBook Have The Relationship YOU Want and learn everything you can do, starting today, to really turn your relationship around.

http://tinyurl.com/RoriRa

Love, Rori

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It’s easy to automatically think that the other person feels the same way we do.  The fear that we may be wrong prevents us from talking about it.  So many people believe they are in an exclusive relationship when the other person just sees him or her as one of many available options.

There are at least 5 very easy ways to avoid confusion as to where you stand:

(For more info on getting what YOU want out of a relationship click HERE now)
1.You and a man you are seeing should have a talk about your feelings about each other and about how you two feel about seeing other people.  If he does not want to share you with other men, he will make sure you know this.  But make sure he will reciprocate. Sometimes a man is capable of building a harem with women who are faithful to him while he still allows himself all the ladies he wants.  If he wants a harem then you are free to date whoever you want.  Just remember the two of you are no more than friends with benefits.

Last night Scot and I went out to a live music dance club.  This place is special to me because it is where he made me more than just a friend.  Scot let me know his intentions to be good to me and protect my heart.  He asked me to be his girlfriend–for us to be in an exclusive relationship with each other.  This was made very clear without doubts.

Remember:  If you have to ask then you are not exclusive.

2.If a man is focusing on you alone, he will want to see you as often as he can in a week–especially if you live in the same city and work allows free time.  Seeing each other at least three times a week portends this fairly accurately.  Men and women only have so many days out of the week to go out on dates.  Are those times spent with you or are they shared with a list of other women?  If you only see him every other week, then most likely you’re not the only one he is seeing.

3.A man who is interested only in you looks forward to making plans for weekends with you, and may be planning trips for the two of you to go on.  While it’s true he may be spontaneous and call you at the last minute to join him for an outing, a good sign that he has a harem is that he always waits until the last minute to ask you out.  This usually happens because he’s not so sure if the one he asked as his first choice will show up.  Maybe she even canceled on him.  Don’t confuse this with spontaneity.   I’m not talking about a surprise or a gift; I’m talking about if the “last minute notice” is a habit.  He is waiting to see if someone better to go out with will be available, as being pinned down to plans does not leave him options.  Think about this if he calls you Friday at 6:00 to invite you to a concert for that day, and he had the tickets for 3 months.  Why would he not give you more notice? Because the person he planned to take flaked out on him, that’s why.  If you did not know about it at all the aabsolutely was a girl who flaked out not one of the guys.

4.As his exclusive girlfriend if you need to reach him for something important, he is ok with you calling him at home or on his cell phone any time of the day or night.  But if you are part of a harem, there are rules like not calling at night or on hishome phone.  Also you always seem to get voice mail, having to wait for when it is convenient for him to call you and talk.  If he leaves on a trip and will not talk to you while he is gone, then this is a red flag that he has at least one other girlfriend or maybe even a wife.

5.The famous words of a harem builder is “I would love to settle down when the right women comes along”.  This statement is used to pose a challenge to you, which will make you feel that you have toprove that you are the right woman and that if you stick around he will figure that out eventually.  After you have been dating for a few months things should be moving forward, in an exclusiverelationship.  Not that you have a ring on your finger yet,  but that you have conversations about the future together, kids, and getting to know one another.  This also needs to be demonstrated with actions, not just words.  An example would be going from seeing you once a week in the start of a relationship to increasing it over time to 2, 3, or 4 times a week.

If a relationship you are in has been on for a while but is the same as day one, it’s time to consider what we’ve talked about today as a very possible reason why.

Have fun,

Emily McKay

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