It would be great to have one magic pill to heal all your hormonal woes, but the truth of the matter it takes a decent diet, exercise, added nutrition ─ in other words, doing all the things you know you should be doing to take better care of yourself.

If you are worried about the risks of HRT, you are not alone.

There are more than 60 million women in menopause and approximately 75 percent of these women do not take hormone replacement therapy.

• The FDA and the Women’s Health Initiative agree with the clinical findings for more then seven years ─ HRT increases your risk for breast cancer, heart attack, blood clots and stoke and it is feared that the made to order BHRT (bioidentical) have the same risks as HRT

• The National Cancer Institute have established 1 in 7 women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime
• The American Heart Association ranks heart disease as the leading cause of death among women
• Taking HRT can increase you biological risk factors for breast cancer and heart disease

You are your own best advocate when it comes to your health and the more information you have, the better you will feel about the  decisions you make for menopause symptom management.

Hormone balance is important to your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

• Menopause is a natural change
• By keeping informed you can be prepared for hormonal changes
• You can adapt to hormonal changes easily and quickly, and the change can be enjoyed.
• You can remain in good health and if needed, rebuild your health as your hormones change naturally
• Menopause does not cause illness, lifestyle does
• Good health and peace of mind come about when steps are taken to prevent the onset on of disease

Taking Femmerol will help you feel more like your self again. It is a holistic menopause treatment option that helps correct hormone deficiencies and imbalances.

• The ingredients in Femmerol are FDA approved for ingestion
• Have never been implicated in cancer or heart disease
• Femmerol meets FDA requirements
• Manufactured in a state of the art pharmaceutical facility
• Femmerol has earned its place in the US National Library of Medicine.
• Femmerol is a convenient, non chemical clinically tested effective menopause treatment option.

Be actively involved in you health and wellbeing everyday

• Exercise
• Eat healthy and balanced meals. Include an assortment of fruits, vegetables and grains
• Stop smoking if you smoke
• Get more sleep and try going to sleep and waking up at the same time each day
• If you drink daily or find you binge on weekends, decrease the amount of alcohol you drink or seek help to taper off
• Get to a healthy weight and stay there
• Take pharmaceutical grade multivitamin and additional high quality supplements (vitamins, minerals and herbs) to meet your needs
• Drink at least eight glasses of water each day

To better understand what to expect with hormonal change, do our symptom evaluation checklist and learn more about your symptoms.Click here.

Solutions for Women does not collect, track, or retain checklists or checklist entries. The checklist is only a tool to help you identify symptoms or patterns of symptoms that are common during peri-menopause and menopause.

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As women, we are often taught to approach things within a relationship in a manner that is 100% the opposite of helpful behavior. It’s not our fault – because often the approach we use and the behavior we display SOUNDS completely rational.

I mean, if your boyfriend is pulling away and you show him that you need him, as a man, as a caregiver and protector, that should make him want you more, right? Show him your vulnerability and, if he is a real man, he will want to soothe it and make it go away.

Actually – when you are dealing with a fear of commitment, that is incorrect.

Here is a great question from a reader on HER experience with fear of commitment:

Dear Sarah,

I have a boyfriend with fear of commitment. He wants me to wear a promise ring but he has such a fear about marriage that when he fell in love with me he started getting distant & I couldn’t talk about the future with him without him looking like a deer caught in headlights! So I gave his ring back & told him I couldn’t promise him I wouldn’t date, but he said he wasn’t going to. He is going to a counselor for help. He was bringing me down, he was hot then cold, that hurt me so that’s when I gave the ring back. When I didn’t see him for 2 weeks .and told him I dated another man, he was crushed! He did not believe I would do that. I love him, what do I do to get him over this fear of commitment? Please help me!

Sincerely,

C

My answer to C…

Thank you for writing in with your relationship problems. C- fear of commitment is such a common problem in relationships today; you need to know that you are not alone! The wonderful thing is, you are handling this correctly. Let me explain.

One of the first reactions that women have when faced with fear of commitment is to become demanding, needy or clingy. The thought process behind this actually causes more relationship problems than it fixes, though. When a woman becomes clingy or needy, instead of a man rising to the occasion and helping her like she dreams he will, he often pulls away, becoming distant or hot/cold.

Instead, if you use a tactic like Leaning Back, such as Rori Raye describes in her Have the Relationship You Want eBook, you are much more likely to get the results you are looking for and end your relationship problems.

Now, what you are doing is correct. You need to lean back, as Rori Raye says, and give HIM the space to Lean Forward. By you dating other men and showing him that you will not be bound by a commitment he is not willing to make, you are showing him that you are independent of him, in demand and not going to wait around. It’s perfect!

I know it may not FEEL like you are doing the right thing, because he is hurting because of it. BUT – if he is going to make a genuine commitment to you, then he needs to do it and quit walking the edge between commitment and freedom. If he will not give you the commitment, then he IS giving you freedom – and you need to take it. It’s either one or the other – there IS no in between.

A promise ring, in my mind, represents an immature commitment. Either hi will or he won’t – he cannot promise to promise, if you know what I mean. And as long as you are NOT committed to him, then you need to be dating other people and learning what else is out there. So in spite of what your emotions are telling you – feeling guilty about his pain, wanting to “fix” what is wrong with him by giving in and letting things go back to the way they were – you are CORRECT in dating other people and refusing a “half-commitment” when dealing with fear of commitment from your boyfriend.

To read more on how to deal with fear of commitment, educate yourself by visiting the section on Rori Raye on my website by clicking here: Rori Raye.

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Hi Sarah,

I have a question for which I need some relationship advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, but recently about 4 months back his parents decided to separate and get a divorce.  My boyfriend is 27, (and I’m 26) and he has taken the divorce really badly, and has been forced to choose sides.  He has been using tranquilizers and alcohol to kill the pain and as an escape from the situation.

He told me that he needs time and space to be alone.  I have given him space, though it’s really hard… I haven’t seen him in four weeks.

He is a great guy, kind and affectionate, really funny and loves life, though now I feel with the divorce situation he is losing his love of life, and I really worry for him. He has just stopped calling of late, and whenever I call he does not pick my call, and he doesn’t call back. So I haven’t called or texted him for a couple of days.
I have read all the articles, about not calling a guy, that they like the chase, but isn’t this situation different since he is going through a hard time in life?
My questions are how can I reach out to him when he doesn’t pick the call?  Should I keep calling him or will that turn him off? Should I text him, even though I don’t get a reply?
And is the fact that he doesn’t call a sign that our relationship is not going in the right way?
I feel our great relationship is slipping away…

I’m very confused with the whole situation; I need your help and advice!

Thank you!

Marie

Hey Marie-

Anyway, I see that your situation IS different, and I think we need to treat this not even so much as a relationship question, but as a question of humanity.  I can also address this from my own experience, as well.

I am one of those people, too, who tend to withdraw automatically when facing great hurt or pain.  It’s not so much that he does not want to see you or talk to you; I think it’s that he wants to ignore the pain, and push down his feelings because they HURT.  He may be lying there crying at night or in the shower where no one can see him, and wishing desperately that you were there, but at the same time, being unable to reach out to you.

Ironically, for me, the key to understanding this about myself has been my best friend.  I have been friends with my best friend, Marilyn, for….wow, going on 27+ years (I am 34).  She is a very open and emotionally in-touch kind of person, and I am one who tends to be much more masculine in my feelings and my reactions.  She has shown me how I withdraw, and how it is really hurtful to me instead of helpful to me. (She is an amazing person, and I would not be here today if it was not for her).

What she does if I withdraw is she leads me gently back to her.  You can do things like text him and just say hey, it’s a beautiful day, here is a hug.  Don’t ask him how he is doing, or tell him you are worried about him.  Just open yourself to him and offer yourself without saying a word about his pain, his withdrawal or your worry.

You can also do things like leave him small gifts on his doorstep, like a meal or a movie, or something small that is fun or helpful but not relating, again, to his emotions.

I guess you kind of have to view him a little bit as a rabid dog.  You want to approach him without prodding him, without taking about his pain, and showing him that you are still there, your connection is still there and you will not try to force him into opening up (at this point).

I think once you do that for a while, and stop prodding or prying even as well intentioned as you are, that he will begin to feel safe enough to be around you again. And keep it up even after he comes back.

Then after a while, after he has come back and your relationship is more normal, you can take some of the steps like Rori Raye recommends to get him to open up to you, gently and without him even really knowing it.  Have you read her eBook yet?  If not, I would HIGHLY recommend it to you, because it will really give you some tools you can use to get him to connect with you on an emotional level.

Ho here for Rori Raye’s eBook:  http://www.tinyurl.com/RoriRa

By the way – the alcohol problem DOES need to be addressed, as well, but I think that you should wait to address it until your relationship is back on track, AND until he has connected to you emotionally again as well.  It may heal itself, if not, that WILL need to be addressed.

Love,

Sarah

Follow me on Twitter!  http://www.twitter.com/RelationshipRx

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Have the Relationship YOU Want!

If you’re finding yourself being a “Girlfriend,” but he’s just not taking the relationship further, and he’s RESISTING your wishes for a full-on commitment and marriage, I know how stuck you feel.

And feeling stuck is about the worst feeling I can think of.

You can’t get away, and you can’t make things happen the way you want.

You need his co-operation and his DESIRE to get married, but – instead – he’s moving further and further AWAY from you.

You’ve read about my “Circular Dating” (dating lots of men all at the same time, as if they’re “circling” around you…).

You know you shouldn’t be stuck in what I call the “Girlfriend Trap” (where he gets all the good stuff of having a steady woman in his life and his bed, but doesn’t have to worry about real commitment).

You know you should do SOMETHING, but dating other men seems like an IMPOSSIBLE idea, because, like Nancy – you’re EXCLUSIVE!

You’re a “Girlfriend.”

And even THINKING about going out with another man feels horrible.

It feels almost terrifying – like you could destroy the relationship you have now with the man you love.

I know what this feels like to the bottom of my toes – I LIVED with a man for 4 years who never wanted to marry me.

What was I thinking?

Well, I was watching my dreams of weddings and rings and family and children and lifelong happiness just disappear.

And it felt terrible.

And the worst part was – I felt helpless to do anything about it.

Well – you don’t have to suffer like I did.

Here’s a letter from Nancy, who’s stuck just like I was. Let’s pull her situation apart and I’ll show you how to do “Circular Dating” EVEN IF you’re already exclusive with a man:

“Dear Rori, My situation is this. I have dated this wonderful guy for almost 3 yrs. We were exclusive for about 2 yrs, then we broke up because he’s confused about what he wants in life and doesn’t want to hurt me. So I carried on, heartbroken but I did it.

And then came calls and texts from him missing me, so I slowly started to come back around. He is the man I want as a husband and a father one day. He knows all this but he is scared to commit to me.

He always feared marriage. I told him ‘I spend a lot of my time with you and if you can’t commit then I am going to start to date other people.’ I think this scares him but not enough to commit fully. Its not that he wants other women because that’s his last priority. He is a very busy man with work.

What is odd is that he brings up the future talk, wedding, rings, house etc…but never follows thru with buying the ring and going the next step. I just don’t get what to do…I feel bad to date other guys, cause my heart is with this one…What should I do?? Sincerely, Nancy”

Just reading Nancy’s letter makes me feel frustrated and angry – just like I did all those many years ago.

It’s like you’re on the race track of your life, and you’re stuck in first gear.

All the other race cars pass you by.

And the thing is — it’s not your fault!

You’re just the driver.

It’s the CAR that’s stuck in first gear!

Who wouldn’t be mad at the car?

And yet – you have to do something…stop in the pit, change cars, find a different, slower race – something – or you go crazy with frustration and anger.

So, what do you do?

You move AWAY from exclusivity, slowly.

You walk away from the “Trap.”

And Why IS exclusivity a trap?

It’s a trap because ANY man would be happy to be exclusive with you.

This way he gets to reel you in, keep you around, have sex with you, and run the show.

He gets to call the shots – to say he’s “confused” or he’s “not ready” – while your love life – your whole “Happy Ever After” is stuck in the gear of HIM!

You’re tied to HIM as your “Love Car.”

And that makes us feel helpless and crazy, and makes our self-esteem plunge downward more every day.

So, if exclusivity is the trap, how do you get out of the trap without losing your man?

How do you “Circular Date” (dating a lot of men all at the same time, as if they’re all “circling” around you) when you’ve agreed to exclusivity?

How do you move away from exclusivity, while at the same time making HIM want MORE with you?

And how do you do it without breaking up with him?

Here are some steps:

(You can read more about gaining conversational skills and fearlessness in  my ebook on pages 147  through 150.   You can get it here: http://tinyurl.com/RoriRa )

1.Don’t THREATEN.

Notice How Nancy says “I told him ‘I spend a lot of my time with you and if you can’t commit then I am going to start to date other people.’ I think this scares him but not enough to commit fully.”?

Trying to SCARE a man never works.

It feels like a game to him.

On some level, he believes you’ll never leave him.

It has nothing to do with what you say.

And it doesn’t have anything to do with what you DO, either.

Yes – you could even actually DATE other men, but if you’re doing it to spite him, or as a game or strategy – he’ll feel it for what it really is – DESPERATION.

You’ll feel even MORE clingy and desperate to him, and he’ll just back away more.

So don’t threaten to date other men. Don’t even talk about it with him until you get the only thing that’s REALLY important:

2. Understand that YOU hold all the power.

This seems hard to get – I mean, if you want to commit and he doesn’t, it feels like HE has all the power – but he DOESN’T – YOU DO.

You have what he wants. You have what he’s attracted to.

You don’t have to DO anything to show him you have the power – you just have to FEEL it.

So go ahead and talk yourself into this.

Just keep imagining that you’re holding your man in the palm of your hand.

3. Date Yourself and Flirt

…For now – Do this:

Make a list of things you like to do OUTSIDE (not in your home) – at places where there are men.

Then get dressed up so YOU feel attractive and turned on to YOU – and go out.

The idea is to have fun and practice my Tools with every man you meet, no matter who he is.

And part of simply being who you are and having fun will be “Flirting.”

That means you smile and hold eye contact, and get curious about every man you meet.

It means you practice being a magnet for men.

Flirting means you’re just having fun, practicing my Tools, making and holding eye contact, smiling – and that just HAPPENS to look like Flirting!

4. Tell your man you love him and that you can’t be exclusive right now…

This is the big one.

In order to do this, you have to have men asking for your phone number, you have to have men friends to spend time with, and you have to have your Dating Yourself and Flirting stuff happening.

Automatically, men will be attracted to you.

Sooner or later, you’ll get an offer you don’t really want to turn down.

When that happens, you write a speech to the man you’re with saying that “he’s entitled to take all the time he needs to decide about committing to a lifelong relationship with you, and that you feel awful waiting around, it’s making you feel insecure and frustrated and you don’t want to feel that way, and that other men are starting to ask you out and you want to feel free to explore your options until he makes a decision.”

This is NOT an ultimatum.

This is NOT a Threat.

This is a simple, easy-going statement of YOU taking CARE of YOURSELF!

He may come back with a “Well – then I’ll just date other women..”

He may call you selfish and a bitch.

He may get very, very angry.

And this is GOOD!

I told you that you have all the power – and your ability to make him angry at the thought he can no longer “string you along” is proof of that!

Do not rise to the bait.

Do not argue, explain, defend, get angry, or tell him anything except…

“Well, I don’t want you to date other women, I want you all to myself. And it doesn’t feel good to me to let you have me all to yourself until you’re ready to commit. I won’t be able to handle your dating other women.”

And then turn around and walk away.

I know this is a lot to absorb.

Let me know how it works for you… and please, treat yourself to my eBook Have The Relationship YOU Want and learn everything you can do, starting today, to really turn your relationship around.

http://tinyurl.com/RoriRa

Love, Rori

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